kamadevamage

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 05:47:31 GMT

Dearest Maiara,

I am very sorry that I have neglected my correspondence for so long. I had spent many long weeks on a bus, telling fairy stories to transients in exchange for local legends (more than once I awoke, Celestial Fire already on my lips, in fear of the wraith of Two-Nose Jimmy.) I hope, despite my failure to uphold my end of the correspondence, the following news might be of some welcome interest: though I am saddened that this correspondence, a beautiful meeting of two minds the likes of which I have not yet been a part of, is coming to an end, it is because, by the time you read this, I have finally returned to San Francisco to again take up my studies of [illegible scribbles]

First, my Dia de los Muertos. During a short stay in Oakland I attended said festivities at a planned mixed-use development thingie, which is preferable to the normal kind of urban development ("Let's pave the shit out of this place and see what shit sticks to the wall!"), but it's not as... friendly, as say, a Farmer's Market. They could have one here too, though. [Enclosed is a picture of Kama, in a sombrero, with his face painted with kitty whiskers, juggling empty tequila bottles.] This is my most... mainstream venture so far. I indeed had a very epic Dia de los Muertos - I remembered the late Buffy, my Mother, and Billy Mays. He's the reason I love knives.

However, my plan of riding the buses to see how Fate would return me to my beloved hometown turned sour. Many months I spent, lost, alone, cold, paranoid, and itchy, wondering if I would ever again know the touch of a hot soldering iron in my hands.

Well, no more! I will travel with God's wheels to San Francisco. I realize such a trip may be fraught with peril, but rest assured I will, from this day onward, write long, and hard, with you in mind, so that you may be sure whatever it is that might hurt me has not hurt me too much.

I am concerned that you have gone through so much in so short a time. I do hope nothing worse has happened in the meantime. You take on so much, that it's hard to imagine how you do it ~~without blowing something up~~ hovering closer to hubris. I suppose such patience is your gift, and I salute you for that. Perhaps it was your steadying influence that prevented said war?

I think so. You send out lovely vibes.

I wonder about meeting this Beaker. I'm sure we can see... eye-to-eye about something. I doubt he'll come between us. In fact, as I journey closer to you, I feel... something wonderful will grow between us.

I'd like to see that gravestone, too.

Yours Truly,
-K.

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 06:21:28 GMT

Hi Kama,

Thank you again for the pictures. I had no idea that Fresno was known for its movies - I have been to a few indie theaters here in the City, but it seems like a really nice theater down there. It's kind of funny that Fresno has the reputation it does, but has such hidden culture. I suppose that's how the city as a cultural being survives. Through little hidden treasures.

It's been a while, I know. I do hope you had a good Halloween/Samhain/All Hallows/Dia de los Muertos. I also hope you had a good Veteran's/Armistice/Rememberance Day.

I have a feeling you'll have some nice pictures of those. Or perhaps of invasive grass species, I am not sure.

Right...so...where to begin?

I've been thinking a lot about what you were saying about being a temple prostitute, in a not-offended way, strangely enough. No, I'm not considering taking up the profession, either in a secular or religious manner. But...I have sort of acted that way, haven't I? At least of late. Anything to help Reykjavik, Beaker, the cabal, the Mysterium, magedom in general. I guess I have taken my feelings of being a healer too seriously.

Why, do you ask? Well, I think you may know now my aversion to having anything at all to do with Vampires - to use a horrible multi-pronged pun - Buffy's death nailed in the coffin on that feeling. I know that Vampires are generally carnivores which prey upon humankind, however, they are very well organized, and personally, I don't really want to fuck around with people that I can't adequately defend myself against, and who can make me their little playthings at will. I'm sure Buffy would say that is just cowardice and it means that I should have let him beat me up so I'd learn to defend myself better. However, although society has a lot of bad aspects to it, it can sometimes serve greater purposes than one person. I'm sorry, I don't think random vigilante action is the answer.

And yes, there are many people in the cabals and in the Concillium who do not agree and think I'm a horrible person, turning my back on the memory of my former apprentice, not hunting down the vampire who killed him and doing her in.

Maybe I'm just a little sick of the killing. Because, gee, killing more of us or more of them always leads to less violence, doesn't it?

Anyway, taken all of the above, I still let people into my Hallow to let them try to track the vampire that killed Buffy.

I didn't want to. However, the other hallow seems to have disappeared (although Bookwyrm said it's one of his mind spells and he did it so that no one would disturb his precious hallow anymore and leave him alone. Oh, and for me not to tell anybody. And me, being the fucking pushover I apparently am, I haven't, except to you, and a hint to Sterling (He didn't even tell Sterling!). I do ask that you not spread it around, but I'm a little pissed now.) Anyway since the main hallow people have been using is one or way another out of service, I have the only available hallow for something like fifteen people now. Also, Sanghkia was pretty desperate to use it - with our lovely new Guardian in tow.

In essence, they were trying to scry on Esmeralda, who apparently was the vampire in question. When they figured out she was in a coffin, in the hold of an airplane, heading east, they asked me to get Tau over to grab her into my hallow for questioning and whatnot. They said that they believed that Buffy was shooting off his mouth about mage stuff, and she was going to spill it, and we needed to stop her.

I really didn't like this, but I called up Tau anyway, who appeared in my hallow directly. He did find a way to access where the vampire was, and have us drag her back into the hallow, but yay for Paradox, and we got an anomaly which basically made any movement we made huge gestures across the room. Sanghkia was able to probe her mind for answers while we stood perfectly still for an hour (or as close to it, lest we disturb the stake in the vampire). And then, after the hour had passed, Max, who showed up just before the 'let's drag the vampire back into San Francisco' plan, chopped the vampire's head off, and the vampire disappeared into dust. Sanghkia was a bit pissed at that, but I am afraid at this point, I was a little less than empathetic, as I didn't want to deal with fucking vampires at all!

Fuck.

Anyway, I hope there will not be larger repercussions for this, such as a war - and I feel like I'm caught in the middle of hell. I was part of this plan to basically kill that vampire in revenge (and also trying to get her not to breach the veil, I guess), that I didn't want to be part of, that I 'should' have wanted to be part of according to Sanghkia and others. But I was a weakling and let them do it in my Oratory/Hallow that I spent so much time putting together. If this does in fact illicit retribution from the Vampires, I will be looked at as one who started this.

I guess I just need to set down rules for use of the Hallow and express a great desire not to be involved in any further vampire fights or whatever, though I'll probably have to go anyway, as I am a healer, if not useful for combat otherwise.

As for the other part of the temple prostitute train of thought, I had been avoiding Beaker, but a some of the new folks wished to meet him for his, uh, scientific knowledge.

In the course of a few minutes, he gave his usual overwhelming and extremely vivid accounts of our sexual activity and his penis, half-invited my new apprentice into a threesome with him and me (No! He's my fucking apprentice, for fuck's sake.), threatened another new member of Max's cabal, Tempest, as he thought for some reason Tempest and I were having sex, threatened suicide with a ray gun because he thought Tempest knew something more than he did about magic/science. And...yeah.

I'm actually kind of afraid of him. I'm afraid of what he would do if I was actually able to break up with him (he never lets me get a word in edgewise and insists that I will love him.) It's...fuck. He hasn't ever threatened me, but I still worry about that.

You have no idea how much I regret having fucked him in the first place. You have no idea how much I wish I hadn't felt guilty and bad for him and thought I could least show him what it was like to have a lover. He...took it so damned far, and he won't even listen to me about it. I wish he could find another person, another lover, another something to realize that I am not the one for him, we don't actually have anything in common aside from being mages.

Oh well. I'll have to figure it out in any case.

Anyway, as always, please tell me more stories, Kama. It does make me feel better that I do have a friend and comrade out there that will indeed listen. And tell bizarre little tales. And to let me enjoy vicariously his wanderlust.

Take care, and Happy Thanksgiving (or protests against the slaugher of Native Americans. I still haven't decided what I will be doing this year), if I do not hear from you sooner.

Maiara

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:40:37 GMT

Maiara,

I am saddened to hear of the passing of one of our own. Even if it is Buffy. Let's look back at some of our favorite Buffy moments, shall we?

*Buffy takes Kama deep into the basement, where there is no sunlight at all, and opens a small case to reveal two vampire fangs*

"I believe that if something dies, it should stay dead!"

*Buffy creates a water shield against Maia, royally pissing her off*

"Hey kids, check out my magic stone donut that sets things on fire!"

Ah, the memories. But we shall never forget the important lessons that Buffy's passing have taught us - taught all of us: Never take your semi-girlfriend on a caper to fulfill a personal vendetta begat by the passing of your wife against a psycho-manipulative supernatural creature. Every day mages die from fighting creatures imbued with unnatural energies without taking the proper precautions.

Finally, a selection of small rocks that reminded me of Buffy. [enclosed are four or five pieces of what look like driveway gravel]

I suppose now that's taken care of, I can relate to you my latest adventures. This is *the best* place for movies in this town: [also enclosed is a picture of Kama posing alongside posters for foreign and indie films] I bring you greetings from Fresno, which is the sister city to Verona, Italy. I had some pasta because I like Verona (yay double teen suicide play!) and some local produce. As you can see, I'm wandering back and forth across the state lines, so a desert death is most likely not an issue. And I do want to go out in a blaze of glory (though not just yet).

I shall write you a more verbose letter when I feel inspired. But as lovely as this town is, it's very sleepy. You'll be happy to know I kicked a lot of invasionary grass species in anger when I heard of Buffy's demise.

Forever your friend,
Kama

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:28:07 GMT

Hello Kama,

It's...really been a sort of rough few days.

How to say this...

You know that badass superhero fight you were going to have with Buffy on the rooftop? That's never going to happen now. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with me preventing it.

Yeah, guess I really haven't been good at the preventing thing anyway.

Okay, Buffy, the stupid idiot fuck that he was, decided to go a'hunting vampires once again. I guess he had a fucking falling out with that lady vampire he was having tea with. Or maybe he just found another 'friend' he couldn't handle. I don't know what the fuck it was. He was so fucking pigheaded about it, focused on killing every single vampire in existence, and convinced that those of us that weren't peachy keen on using every resource in doing so were either oblivious or just as bad as the vampires. Never mind that vampires are fucking...harsh. I remember quite well that vampire-bitch (though yes, I realize that I should be reclaiming 'bitch' as a feminist word, I just...gah. You have no idea how much I hate her...even before)...well...she 'made' me love her, at least long enough for her to escape that first time. And, yes, it wasn't subtle like Bookwyrm's mind-strings, so I was well-aware of the shit she was doing - but she was super-fast, and I had no fucking recourse.

Anyway, I guess since Buffy and Maia were physically focused and could boost their health with life magics...they thought they could stare down anything.

Yeah.

So a couple days ago - all of us realized we hadn't seen Buffy in a while. Anyway, everyone got really curious as to where he was, so Max did her usual 'mage TV'...and it was black. Completely black. Eventually, through much haranguing, and arguing and whatnot, we found out that Buffy was at the County Morgue. And Poppet, my new apprentice (who, it seems, actually did have a crush on Buffy), claimed that he was Buffy's lover, and wanted to see if it was him. And it was, or so Poppet reported. With half his face gone.

And no one can seem to find Maia at all...it's as if someone erased her or she erased herself.

Given her...unclear motivations and feelings for Buffy, I guess that makes sense, but I hope she's not hurting somewhere.

Anyway...so we have been trying to do some follow up with the vampires, but Ophiacus pretty much said that they should handle it in house, as they did not want to spark an all-out war between vampires and mages. I...can't say that I blame them.

So...I'm set to work on finishing Buffy's headstone...which he originally was making for his late wife (who was killed by vampires, and sparked his whole insanity in that regard). I guess it's fitting that I, as his former mentor (at least in name), should do it. I think I'm the only real artist among the rest of us anyway.

I just...have no idea how to deal with the guilt I'm feeling right now. Yes, he was a bastard and never listened to me, ever, and was not a force to be stopped - but I should have done something. Should have talked him down. Should have nailed his ass to the ground or turned him over to the Concillium or something. Instead, I just let him wander around madly, hoping that at least this would prevent him from blossoming into Banisherhood.

But I didn't have to worry about that, did I?

I'm...sorry, Kama. Thank you for the pictures. I have been pinning them above my bed in my sanctum in Coit Tower. I guess I will move them down to the apartment if I start staying there again on a regular basis. It is a very nice tree that you're hugging. I don't recommend pouring urine on the cacti (especially not 'directly'), really, if you cannot find a suitable toilet or outhouse, just peeing on the invasive grass species would be fine, I think.

I'm glad that you're eating - you're not going through Nevada cross-country are you? I don't want to read some article about you starving to death in the desert and some coyotes picking your bones apart.

Er, anyway, I appreciate your apology regarding sex. Yes, I have experience. Thanks, I think. I was just trying to do well by someone, honestly.

Regardless, I look forward to your next letter. It's got to be better than this fog that's descended.

Maiara

P.S. - If I can show you anything via my 'ways,' you know, you're welcome to watch. I am only what I am.

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 05:51:58 GMT

Hello Maiara!

I bring you greetings from El Dorado National Park! [enclosed is a picture of Kama, yes, hugging a tree] I refuse to spell it the way they do - such natural beauty must truly be analguous to the legendary city of gold itself! Only I'm pretty sure this forest is real.

Next time I'm au natural in a natural setting, I may have to reflect upon that whole "getting in touch with Earth" thing you talked about. When it came to the lake photo, I seriously just didn't want my clothes wet! I can't do it now, though - it's not spontaneous, plus there's poison... well, poison something, I'm not sure if it's ivy or oak or sumac or what, but I overheard some campers yelling about it and thrashing around. I didn't bother to ask.

Sorry if that whole thing about the sex went the wrong way. I suppose I took your attempt at "helping" Beaker by "having sex with him" a bit too... mystically. ~~Although I'm sure your years of experience did wonders anyway!~~

As for the transvestite in the bathroom, I'm afraid I didn't stick around to ask questions. S/he looked like quite the scrappy one, and I know from experience that you don't want to get scratched by press-on nails. I just produced the peace offering, did my business, and skedattled before s/he changed his/her mind.

I suppose this letter is a bit on the short side - national parks are rather peaceful, what with their whole being really strictly protected and such, so not many shenangians.

And yes, I am eating. I spent most of my trip here gorging myself at every opportunity (you'd be surprised at the number of diners in Carson City offering an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast - just don't try mixing maple and strawberry syrup together unless you don't mind weird looks from everone) so I'd not upset the delicate natural balance by foraging for food, and I'm even peeing in a bottle so I don't... I dunno, it just seems wrong to pee on special trees. Maybe I'll pour it out on to a catcus or something, poor bastards need the moisture I bet.

As for what direction my magical studies may take... I've been considering Fate, actually. I've always wanted a two-headed coin, but I figure one that always flips heads would be even better.

Honestly, it's not your spells I wish to learn, it's your ~~spirit~~ ~~soul~~ ~~self~~ ways. Or maybe the way you do your spells.

Until we write again,
-K
A
M
A

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 05:19:20 GMT

Kama,

Thank you very much for the picture - I have no idea how you managed to get yourself and/or your clothes full of fleas, but I've been to Tahoe a couple of times and do like it a lot, despite the casinos on the Nevada side. Still, I think it's probably a good thing that you decided to get nude. There is something freeing about letting oneself go with nature. (In the right temperature, of course. I never understood those 'polar bears' that decided to swim in the snow and cold. That's more about whose dick is bigger, although that would be rather counter-intuitive given the temperatures of bodies of water in which they swim). I don't know why everyone is so hung up on the clothing and prudishness in that regard.

It is sort of interesting though, sometimes male nudeness is construed as being something aggressive, whereas female nudeness is seen as inviting sex. Granted, either of those can occur in those states, but it's kind of the symptom of what our society has gotten itself wrapped into regarding sex and the body.

Anyway - I am trying really fucking hard right now not to get really offended at your 'temple prostitute' comment. I do know that the idea of the sexual goddess (and conflicting information on the Indian devadasi as to whether actual prostitution was actually involved) and/or sexual priestess type figure was existent in some cultures, and goodness knows that there are enough new age types take sexual activity in ceremony and healing quite seriously, indeed.

That said, goodness knows I've gotten enough shit as late for being some manner of slut (nevermind that I didn't have sex for two years...and Beaker was rather an anomaly), so hopefully forgive me for being a wee bit sensitive to the 'prostitute' thing. Yes, I have had a rich fulfilling sex life prior to that, and did a fair amount of experimentation (all while keeping it safe), it's not like I'm fucking pimping it on the street (not that sex workers should be denigrated, it's just...fuck...I am not a sex worker, okay?) I have never slept with random strangers, that's never been my thing, I do not take money or tribute for it, and well, I have very little knowledge of tantra, when it comes to it, so I don't think I could do much for sexual healing.

I felt bad for Beaker, I tried to help by the only means I knew how. I now realize it was a bad mistake and I need to find a way out of it without crushing him or making him snap.

Understand?

Good, I'm glad.

Anyway, if you wish to observe me, I have no issue with that whatsoever. You do seem to have a lot of obscure knowledge which is interesting to me. There is also something quite fascinaing about hearing these little tidbits from your journeys, so feel free to tell me tales. (Although if you continue the habit of using the women's restroom, you may wish to add a padded bra with the kilt. With, preferably, a shirt over that. But, I do commend you on wearing the kilt, by the way. I think it's a great way to stand up the the gender stereotypes of what clothing should be. Keep fighting the good fight, my brother! Hmm...just read the part of duct taping the prostitute...it...wasn't permanent, was it?)

As for studies...I could teach you a bit of Spirit, or perhaps a bit of Life...but I don't think it would help you with Prime or anything like that. But...well...as you know, there are plenty of people around here that know things.

Buffy...fuck, that's exactly what I don't want him to become, a banisher. That's the last thing we need...a vampire hunting, mage hunting psycho on the loose. Yes, it would be badass and all if you could fight on a rooftop or whatnot, but he's become quite the matter mage, and I'd be a bit afraid that there would be a Obi-Wan/Darth Vader moment...and I'm no fucking Luke Skywalker, okay? And yes, Maia would go with him, and she'd probably bury you in a swarm of bees or something. (She's his...'not girlfriend', yeah right....)

Let's see...other things...oh yeah, Max and Sterling are together again, fascinatingly enough. Max is stil pretty unstable and saying some really awful things about Alley - I really want to know what the fuck her problem is anyway, she already got what she wanted (or maybe didn't want, I don't fucking know. They've both hem-hawed about it for so fucking long, I have no idea what their 'true' feelings were anymore), which was Sterling, so I don't know why she has to pick on Alley.

Oh. Yes. Alley. She is having a costume ball for Halloween...and she made...a fucking deal with a dance spirit. One of the representatives that took Sandy way back when. At least I'm a master of Spirit now, so I can break that agreement if he/she fucks with Alley too much.

That's about it for the moment, although I guess there are details I'm not remembering. It's quiet in the city, looking out from the top of Coit Tower, from my oratory. I love it here, the ocean, the buildings, the people. I just have to remember that sometimes.

Maiara

P.S. - Fucking eat something, will you?! If money's a problem, fucking dumpster dive for fuck's sake!

P.P.S - So glad you didn't actually address that letter to Buffy and Beaker.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 23:35:53 GMT

To: Buffy and Beaker and general cabal drama
RE: Maiara

Greetings and salutations!

AFter reading your last letter, I lingered in the Lake Tahoe area just long enough to snap this souvenir photo. [Enclosed is a picture of a sunset reflected off the lake, with someone, presumably Kama, posing waist-deep in the water.] The gentleman who took this photo for me did make off with my clothes, but it was okay since I'm pretty sure that particular outfit was flea-infested (a sordid consequence of my vagabond travelling). Both I and my clothing are pest-free as of now.

Anyway, I do seem to remember Buffy. Likes to kill goths, right? He'd make a good banisher. Then we get into a fight on, say, a rooftop, and it's ironic because I helped teach him and then I pull out a trick I specifically hid from him because I knew this would happen but then...

Hm, I don't think anyone else would appreciate the dramatic nature of such a confrontation. Especially since his girlfriend would probably become a banisher if he told her to, so he probably wouldn't have to go to the trouble. Yeah, that would be bad - having to fight a banisher and another mage at the same time. It would make me the bad guy.

I wish I was there to take him off your hands. I'd do my best to not use him as a plot device in my life story.

When I read your account of the mage named after laboratory glassware, I became rather upset. I had no idea you were some kind of temple prostitute! How could I have been so stupid as to be completely unaware all this time? I'm sure I'll figure out a way of punishing myself.

I'm only slightly less angered to learn that he's trying to monopolize your services. Perhaps I picked an advantageous time to wander, as the environment seems a violatile one.

But I am glad you are my pen pal. I feel I can tell you almost anything. For instance, I've developed a habit of using the ladies' rooms at truckstops. They are no more frequently maintained, but much less frequently used, which is a plus. The only time I had any trouble was when a transvestite prostitute (secular and mortal) became indignant when I was clearly not dressed to use a ladies' room, despite the fact that I was wearing a skirt (apparently my khaki kilt isn't enough). I managed to exchange a roll of duct tape for his/her silence.

Ah, but that is neither here nor there. I suppose the substance of this letter should be about how I might drink from your fountain of knowledge without polluting it the way others have. Would it impose upon you that I may... observe you? No instruction would really be required...

Though I have been neglecting my mage studies in my wordly travels. Perhaps some of the less senior mages now exceed me in expertise? That would make things difficult. Who to ask to bring me up to speed? Who indeed.

It's been a few days since I've eaten or slept so I'll cut this short. I look forward to your next letter, and perhaps the opportunity to write to you when I'm more lucid.
-K

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 05:53:52 GMT

Kama,

Okay, let's take this bull by the horns.

Life partner?! What?! Okay, yeah, I don't want another student. I still have Buffy (yeah, my choices with that are to 'declare him a functional member of society' or 'have him declared banished from the Concilium and almost undoubtedly make him a banisher.' Thank you, Sterling, for convincing me to take him an as an apprentice in the first place. And thank you Ophiacus, for sticking me with him, either to blatantly lie or basically declare him an enemy. YOu may remember him. You may remember what an asshole he was and the fact that he doesn't listen to anything I say. Yeah. I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do with him...someone who acts like a moron to the hierarch.), Believe it or not, I also have been given a very-newly-awakened Thyrsus named Poppet to mentor. He doesn't seem as much of a dink as Buffy and I may be able to impart...something...to him.

Anyway, my point being is that I don't need another student. I never was that great a teacher to begin with. As for my life experience, yes, I do think that's valuable, and I've been able to center myself enough (with a lot of doubt sometimes) to really focus my Spirit study and become at least an adequately effective member of the cabal and the concillium. I am more than willing to share that with you - if you think that it would help you or lend you strength...or even just be something you are interested in.

Hell, I will willfully declare myself your official penpal, friend, and comrade, if you like. I just....

Okay, were you ever introduced to Beaker? You know, shock of bright red, cropped hair, LED tie, gaudy glasses, bright green labcoat, on healies, popping out out Prime and Forces spells like candy, having a children's television show in order to 'reach' unawakened children, and talking a mile a minute and never getting a word in edgewise. Not being female, I guess you would never have had this particular 'joy' (although Beaker has shown occasional propensity to hit on men), but he hits on everything that's breathing and with a vagina.

Yeah, I hadn't either until a few months ago. He's really fucking hard to miss, once you do, though.

And then I made the mistake of kissing him in order to give a cabalmate a diversion. And then I made a further mistake of sleeping with him because I felt bad for him, and because I thought maybe I could teach him a thing or two about sex, as apparently he was a virgin (and I believe he is older than me...)

Since then, he has proposed to me multiple times (including 'choking' on an engagement ring and then spitting it out into my hand), 'announced' our marriage at a Concillium meeting, followed me around like a puppy dog on crack, and despite all this, I don't think he's heard a single fucking word I've said. He just tells me he loves me, goes on about how I will eventually love him, because he 'knows,' and, well, I haven't been able to get rid of him.

Because I don't love him. I feel sorry for him. He's fucked with his brain and created his own world because he did something very bad (that he's said a few times that he'd have to kill me about if he ever told me, "but he won't, so that's okay"), he barely interacts coherently with most people, has...well, been ostracized to some degree because he is so unhinged, and yes, has never had a girlfriend. I swear, I think that the spell would be broken if he finally fucked someone else, but I've told him that and he doesn't believe me.

I guess I also do worry that if I officially break up with him, that he will become completely bonkers and come after me/the cabal/everyone else.

I wish I could be stronger than this and/or get the fuck through to him.

Anyway, you could possibly see my reservations about someone proposing life partnership on a dime.

I'm not saying...Kama, I don't know you yet. You seem like a good guy, and I'd like to know you more, but I sure the hell can't commit to much of anything right now. I will be your friend, I will sure as hell be your friend...and if something happens, it does...but fuck. You have to know this feels like serious deja vu. I'm just hoping you won't just keep talking over me and ignoring what I'm saying (I guess that's the advantage of letters...), and maybe...well...we could work our way through this?

And...to completely change topics, I've never been to Barstow...is that in the desert? I'm not sure if I'd want anything...although I guess I'd be keen to see photographs of you in front of famous sites, objects, people in these places you go. Sort of, oddly, like the traveling lawn gnome. Obviously, you're a hell of a lot more interesting than a lawn gnome, but...I could see you doing that. Just to corroborate your wild tales.

Hmm...I don't know why you'd want to crash a family reunion. I had spent most of my time as a teenager avoiding them. But glad they didn't mace you.

Anyway, your thoughts of the lesbians sound nice. If you really want to try to see what it feels to be a woman, you could find a life mage (well, an adept, really. Like Maia.) to give you a taste. But yeah, to do it permanently, you'd have to give up the balls and the dick. And take a hell of a lot of hormones. I don't know what it's like to be a man, and I'm okay with that really, even if penises are sort of interesting biological appendages.

Vaginas are too, as far as that goes.

Okay, next time I'll tell you more about Max, Sterling, and the rest of the gang and less about the suitor from hell.

Take care. And see a sunset for me.

Maiara

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:48:57 GMT

My Associate Maiara,

Please allow me to regale you with a story of my travels before we discuss business hm? Hm. It would appear that what I called Burning Lad in my last letter was, in fact, a family reunion/camping trip that I crashed.

They were good people, though.

Anyway, I am sure there is just oodles of drama and excitement going on back at the ranch, and it would help me a lot if you would fill me in from time to time. I wonder what sorts of trouble Max and Sterling have managed to cook up together...

gee, I ask you for a lot of favors, don't I? I need to repay you someday. Is there anything you'd like from Barstow?

I suppose that's it.

What I meant when I last wrote to you is that, I feel there are things you could teach me. Though what I have in mind is not to be taken in as a student (gosh knows the headache I can be in that regard) but rather as a sort of... life partner?

No, that sounds like I'm getting a sex change. Not that I would mind, maybe I'll look into that.

But I guess I realized that perhaps your focus could maybe rub off on me? Gee, this all seemed so clear to me when I was lying in the sand, looking up at the stars, and wondering what that ululation was.

I suppose I should describe my surroundings for a bit. I stopped off by Lake Tahoe on my way south... my plan is to keep going down until I bump into Mexico, then bounce back upward. I'd visit our neighbors to the south, but the only Spanish I know are insults and prayers to Satan. Long story.

There are a couple of lesbians in a nearby coffee shop. I can see them from this bus stop. They're laughing about something. Ah, I imagine that the black one likes rock and blues and the Chinese one has taught her how to love classical music and hiking in the woods. Hmmm...

[the letter continues as if the next part was written later]

I just got off the phone from a cousin who lives in Canada. He says that you don't get to keep your balls after you get a sex change (he's a nurse) so forget about that. I suppose the wonders of sisterhood will forever be out of my grasp.

With best wishes,
Kaama

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:14:28 GMT

Kama,

Honestly, I'm a bit shocked at having received a letter from you - and, well, the contents and the postscript are a bit confusing.

I had wondered how you were - I haven't seen you around in quite a long time. Although I know it's not exactly unusual for mages to hole up and hide themselves (yes, I suppose I should tell you at some point how I spent the last couple of months), but you seemed, well, always to be a part of the world, if only to set it aflame. Guess I should have figured you'd be out exploring it.

It does sound like an interesting mind or spirit (note the lowercase) journey. I remember having some peyote once at the big Burning Man (interesting experience, but really, deserts are not my thing. I miss the water too much.) I don't think I've ever met Coyote in the Shadow, though I have met werewolves. I'm...looking forward to meeting some that aren't really fucked up like that.

Though, I gotta say, there is something to those transcendental moments, where you really understand the interconnected nature of reality and humanity. It's something we all forget, though. Whether it's ambition or frustration. Frustration, oh my goddess, frustration.

I guess I wouldn't blame you if you never returned to our dysfunctional family from hell here - granted, most parts of our little extended community are not as fucked as our Max-and-Sterling little subsection of it.

I admit, it's...intriguing that you would think of me as the most stable and firey of the folk. Granted, I don't do the mage equivalent of running into traffic every day, like people here are so fond of doing. I've just...sort of found my groove with things. Finally.

And maybe when we do find our groove, so can we really commune with others, so that we can help each other out...and become more complete...as it were.

But...hmm. I can't tell if you're asking me to be a part of a business partnership, asking me to be your comrade in the fight for the revolution, or proposing marriage. Or maybe all three simultaneously. I guess I don't understand...yeah, you probably saw me around at every single fucking Mysterium meeting (I pretty much lived there after Reyk...), and goodness knows you're a staple of it. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge...who couldn't love that?

Maybe I really missed something?

Okay, you've got my curiosity piqued.

Explain, Mr. Firebrand.

Maiara

P.S. - Good to know the impulsivity spirit's name...I wondered how you two were getting along. Make sure it's well-fed. (I have a feeling doing impulsive things would not be an issue for you...)

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 22:10:15 GMT

To My Most Esteemed Comrade Maiara,

I bring you greetings from Burning Lad! You may be surprised, as I was, to learn that there is in fact a sort of small Burning Man tribute held in the desert outside of Reno, held by proud Scot-Americans as a nod to their ancestors! Although instead of wicker men, the only thing burning is the mace their womenfolk used on me before I made it clear that I had come in peace.

Regardless, there is a rather enigmatic matter I feel I must relate to you. As part of the evenings festivities, I partook in an ancient game of chance and skill known as Catassonne. It involved trading small tokens that represented livestock and building materials. As the game wore on and I became increasingly more intoxicated by the atmosphere, I felt that there was something odd about the placement of the pieces on the board. As may have been expected of me, I focused on building my settlements around the area on the board representing an active volcano. During a particularly pivotal part of the game, I leaned close to the board to ponder my options when I received a revelation the likes of which I shall impart to you in the following sentence. Individuals such as ourselves tend to pride ourselves on specialization, using teamwork to supplement the individuals' expertise. I had played the game no differently, but unfortunately, there were no nearby players in the forest to aid me when one of my opponents collected enough tokens to cause the volcano, my home, to erupt.

I am told I lost the game sometime after midnight, though I cannot remember much after about 10:30 or so. Which leads me to think that the dream following the board game was merely that and not some accidental jaunt into Twilight or Shadow (though please extend my sincerest apologies to that talking coyote if he was, indeed, a totem - I suppose there is a slight chance you may meet him if you are ever contacting spirits in the Reno area).

Pardon the verbosity and rambling nature of this letter, but I merely need to impart the bizarre and moving nature of the experience. I can't describe my long, strange journey with any real justice, but suffice to say that I realized now that, in my life's pursuits, I have allowed myself to become like Apollo, forever driving my chariot across the heavens, when I should have been like Vulcan, using the powers of logic to hone my burning passion into spaceships.

Which brings me to my main point. Of all my comrades in our particular circle, only you seem to have the solid mind yet fierce blood that could possibly help to bring me focus.

Alas, my journey is not complete yet. I know not from where I shall write to you next, I only ask that you consider this as a challenging opportunity for us both to grow as minds.

Sincerely, With Thanks,
Kama

PS Arrow says hi
PSS Arrow is the impulsivity spirit
PSSS I love you